Missed Ejaculations
We all make bad judgements, hairpin turns, and poopy messes on the chests of our loved ones and love-slaves. And when we do, sometimes it's really hard to "come."
I've been living here in the Dungeon du Chien for over 6 months now, sometimes with a gay love slave, sometimes with a poodle spraying carthweel-spinning diarrhea around the house for weeks at a time with strange bacteria that I only fed him like six or seven times as part of a scientific study. So shut the fuck up already and let me tell you how I've made my neighbors submit to me in the most degrading, ass-inspring manner.
Okay, most of them were easy. They brought me cookies or some kind of bar for a housewarming gift and were permitted to leave 72 hours later after having pleasured me up, down, and sideways, been humiliated consistently, and given me at least 4 usable credit cards. But the neighbors to the east consistently ignored me. I made a point out of taking down the combo leather'n'lace Stevie Nicks model curtains from that side of the house and paraded up and down in my chainmail nightie over and over to no avail. My crotchless Lederhosen topped off with a leather teddy with holes cut out for my Boobies also illicited no response. When I pull that one out at Gigi's I'm sure to get at least $500 in mandatory tippage.
That is until my friend the Cap'N (because she likes to go "crunch") and her love slave the PowerMonger came over for a bout of Enema Yahtzee (you get the picture). Anyway, to make a long story short I had first roll, and all my ass exercises had paid off. I didn't know my own strength, and when I pooped the Oldstyle Light enema out with the six Yahtzee dice they were expelled with such force that they shot right through my window, breaking the glass and shooting into the neighbors' yard. The PowerMonger threw up - that was easy! - and the Cap'N looked kind of pissed off.
"Okay, let's get out there and find those Dice, Worms!" I commanded them in my best Dominiatrix wheedle. They swiftly obeyed with the eyes of punished puppies. Meanwhile, Das Pood got to work lapping up Mama's floor mess.
Anyway, we were out there in our "special" outfits looking around for the dice when the old couple that lived there finally came out and initiated contact. The old fella - Hinkley, and his wife, Tori Amos, seemed a little stand-offish at first, but soon he was showing me where he had buried some of his hitchhikers. He had even buried one in my yard, back in the '50's, before he knew where the property line was!
It made me feel all warm in my nether-regions, so we invited Hinkley and Tori Amos back and then joined in the Enema Yahtzee and we had a stroganoff from last fall's Hitchhiker and a great time was had by all.
I guess it just goes to show you that when you think you're surrounded by cattle sometimes you can have a neighbor with similar tastes!
I have a plot laid out for Jeff back by the other hitchhiker, by the Maple tree.
I've been living here in the Dungeon du Chien for over 6 months now, sometimes with a gay love slave, sometimes with a poodle spraying carthweel-spinning diarrhea around the house for weeks at a time with strange bacteria that I only fed him like six or seven times as part of a scientific study. So shut the fuck up already and let me tell you how I've made my neighbors submit to me in the most degrading, ass-inspring manner.
Okay, most of them were easy. They brought me cookies or some kind of bar for a housewarming gift and were permitted to leave 72 hours later after having pleasured me up, down, and sideways, been humiliated consistently, and given me at least 4 usable credit cards. But the neighbors to the east consistently ignored me. I made a point out of taking down the combo leather'n'lace Stevie Nicks model curtains from that side of the house and paraded up and down in my chainmail nightie over and over to no avail. My crotchless Lederhosen topped off with a leather teddy with holes cut out for my Boobies also illicited no response. When I pull that one out at Gigi's I'm sure to get at least $500 in mandatory tippage.
That is until my friend the Cap'N (because she likes to go "crunch") and her love slave the PowerMonger came over for a bout of Enema Yahtzee (you get the picture). Anyway, to make a long story short I had first roll, and all my ass exercises had paid off. I didn't know my own strength, and when I pooped the Oldstyle Light enema out with the six Yahtzee dice they were expelled with such force that they shot right through my window, breaking the glass and shooting into the neighbors' yard. The PowerMonger threw up - that was easy! - and the Cap'N looked kind of pissed off.
"Okay, let's get out there and find those Dice, Worms!" I commanded them in my best Dominiatrix wheedle. They swiftly obeyed with the eyes of punished puppies. Meanwhile, Das Pood got to work lapping up Mama's floor mess.
Anyway, we were out there in our "special" outfits looking around for the dice when the old couple that lived there finally came out and initiated contact. The old fella - Hinkley, and his wife, Tori Amos, seemed a little stand-offish at first, but soon he was showing me where he had buried some of his hitchhikers. He had even buried one in my yard, back in the '50's, before he knew where the property line was!
It made me feel all warm in my nether-regions, so we invited Hinkley and Tori Amos back and then joined in the Enema Yahtzee and we had a stroganoff from last fall's Hitchhiker and a great time was had by all.
I guess it just goes to show you that when you think you're surrounded by cattle sometimes you can have a neighbor with similar tastes!
I have a plot laid out for Jeff back by the other hitchhiker, by the Maple tree.
posted by Cootersnack at 5:37 PM
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